What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone Battling Cancer

Because words can heal—or hurt.

When someone you care about is diagnosed with cancer, it can be hard to find the right words. You want to be supportive, but you may worry about saying the wrong thing. At Lovie Helping Hand Cancer Foundation, we’ve heard from many fighters who’ve shared what truly comforts them—and what doesn’t.

Here’s a guide to help you speak with compassion, understanding, and care.

What to Say

These words may seem simple, but they can mean everything:

1. “I’m here for you.”

This says, You’re not alone. Sometimes just your presence or consistent check-ins offer the greatest comfort.

2. “I’m thinking about you.”

Let them know they’re on your mind—even if you don’t have the perfect words.

3. “Is there anything I can do to help today?”

Be specific. Offering to drop off groceries, clean the house, or drive to an appointment means more than a vague “Let me know if you need anything.”

4. “How are you really feeling?”

Create space for them to talk honestly without pressure to stay positive all the time.

5. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Remind them of the support available—whether it’s you, family, community, or organizations like ours.

What Not to Say

Even well-meaning comments can unintentionally cause pain or frustration. Avoid these common phrases:

1. “Everything happens for a reason.”

While this may be meant to bring comfort, it can feel dismissive of their pain.

2. “You’re so strong—you’ve got this!”

This can pressure someone to appear brave even when they feel overwhelmed. Instead, acknowledge that it’s okay to struggle.

3. “My [relative/friend] had cancer too and…”

Each cancer journey is personal. Avoid comparing experiences unless they ask for it.

4. “At least it’s not worse.”

Minimizing someone’s diagnosis doesn’t make it easier—it can make them feel unheard.

5. “You’ll beat this!”

While encouraging, it’s important not to tie their value to an outcome. Support should remain unconditional.

Let Love Lead Your Words

It’s okay not to have the perfect thing to say. Just be real. Listen more than you speak. And let your words come from a place of love, not pressure or pity.

Your words have power. Use them to comfort, uplift, and remind someone they are never fighting alone.